Bringing a Film To Life

Thoughts and reflections on writing, directing, producing, and starring in my first short film.

I’m making a movie. I keep reminding myself of that. It’s been years in the making, and I finally managed to get it together. A short movie, but a movie nonetheless. I’m going to bring a piece of art from concept to completion and into the world. No matter what, that’s pretty cool.

Day 1

It almost felt like any normal day. I woke up excited. I was prepared. I had everything I needed.

Actress Alex Bowling, Director of Photography Dustin Hyer, and me.

Then the 1 o’clock call time starting creeping closer. And closer. And closer. At 10:30 I read over the script again. That may have been a mistake. All of a sudden I was flooded with doubt. Is this good? Am I good? What are we even doing?

Questions about everything from my creative abilities to whether or not the script contains a throughline of toxic masculinity began rushing into my head as though someone had just blown up the Hoover Dam.

Then I took a breath. Took a shower. And reminded myself that this is normal.

Not only is this normal for filmmakers, this is normal for the human brain. Our brains, I continued to remind myself, are conditioned to experience fear and anxiety in order to protect us. This feeling is a coping mechanism by my brain to protect me against failure. It can go fuck itself.

Just like stage fright, the feeling went away when everything began. We got to set, things were moving fast, people were energized. And for the first time in my life, I was in charge of this whole thing.

The first scene was between me and my brother, David Edwin Williams (Sebastian). Short, easy scene. Simple setup. Badass silhouette lighting. A good way to start.

By the end of the day we were having fun.

It was starting to come together and, oddly, the film was looking similar to how I imagined it. Why is that odd? Because that’s never the case.